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My Past Self-Mutilation Problem

Writer, Age 14

Wow, where do I begin...I guess I started cutting myself about 4 years ago, I think I was in 6th grade; it's hard to remember that far back. I remember getting so mad at everyone and everything. I was mad at the world for all of the crap it gave me, and I just didn't know how to express these feelings. I would just get this huge rush of anger, and the only way I knew to show it was by inflicting pain on myself. I started out small, with scratches from a safety pin or anything sharp, in places where no one but me could see them.

Then, after a while, that wasn't good enough, so I broke apart the razors that I shaved my legs with, and made small cuts in hidden places. Again, after a while that wasn't enough either. To make a long story short, I was cutting all over the place: on my arms, legs, and my stomach. And the angrier I was, the deeper the cuts were. Eventually my mom found out and took me to a shrink. To make another long story short, that didn't really help.

I stopped for a while, but like a bad addiction to crack, the problem returned. After a while, the shame of having cuts all over my body was too much, adding to my current depression problem. One day, about 2 months ago, I just made myself stop. And I've been "razor sober" ever since.

A bit of advice to any one who cuts: You really should get some help. Cutting is just like an addiction to drugs; it won't go away unless you get some help. The help may not be from a professional, but maybe a close relative or friend. Either way, cutting isn't the way to express your feelings. Some helpful things might be to take up a hobby, or to write down how you are feeling.

And to those of you who have a family member/friend who cuts, their problem doesn't mean that they're suicidal, it's just that they don't know how to express themselves. The most helpful thing that you can do in a situation like this is to listen, try not to yell, punish, or pass judgment on this problem. Just be there for them.

Last Modified Date: 1/10/2001
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